considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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