I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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