now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it glows. i had to have it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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