Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
