Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
