i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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