remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize