remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
