I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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