absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
