I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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