Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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