he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
