So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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