I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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