Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
