You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
