I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
