cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
