I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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