you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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