Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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