Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
