Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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