the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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