believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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