He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
