New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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