p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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