I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
