i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
