i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
