Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
