Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
