When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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