kristin has been a bad kristin
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
