Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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