i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
