there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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