every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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