You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize