So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
