porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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