the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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