The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
