i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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