I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
