im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
