I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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