You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
