Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
