ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
