OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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