I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
