I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
