im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Damn victory sex feels great
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
