an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
