R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
