Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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