now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
