you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
