Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
