My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
