I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
