I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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