were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
