and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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