so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
