I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
