can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
