Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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