So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
