Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
