He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
