at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
